things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
