I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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