Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
