I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
