And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
