there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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