We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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