apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
