I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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