I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
