Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
