Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
