you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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