Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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