He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
