i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
