dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
