Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize