we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
