I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
