she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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