She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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