I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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