I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
