I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
