thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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