What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
