last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am midnight drunk by noon
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How naked do you want me to be?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
