If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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