i would punch a child for taco bell
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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