he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
