you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
