you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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