thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
