you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
