I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
