What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
