her vagine was all disorganized.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
