The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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