I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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