Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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