What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
