he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wanna go halves on a baby?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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