I love black thongs
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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