I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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