She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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