I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Help. Why am I so naked?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize