I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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