Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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