Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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