When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
