Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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