Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
