I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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