I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
