Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
