I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
