I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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