The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
