I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
