I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
