Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you never un-have a 4some
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
