and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize