I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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