I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
