can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
