that's an acceptable place to lick
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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