It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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