I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
