it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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