i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
