you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
