i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
