I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This house was built for laser tag.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How does it feel to date your dad?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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