drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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