yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
