So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
