By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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