Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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