He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize