I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
