happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
